军官与男孩

第一次见面,是1945年的5月
人们欢快地追着吉普车跑,Jeroen站在车上笑,Walt应该第一眼就注意到了他
谁都不会拒绝爱上这样一个天使

语言不通的两个人说着爱
不能说没有真心的
只是Walt知道总有要走的那天
而在少年简单的心里没有想过要离别吧
所以失落来得那么的强烈
回忆又将这甜蜜和失落延续了几十年

老师让大家写解放对自己意味着什么
Jeroen想着Walt抱着他跳的那次舞,一字没写
对有些人来说,生活,这样,就够了

与过去的自己对话,看到的是曾经单纯的可贵
每个没有被污染的心灵,都是天使

维基百科发现Rudi van Dantzig已经在2012年1月19日去世了，走好。影片因为时间久远画面不怎么样了，这是一部少有的正太被人压了但是没什么人骂的片子。改编自Rudi的自传小说，但是到底自传叫啥名字没搜出来，只有一部改编的电影同名小说。

我经常这样----一篇文章看要很多遍，每一遍都没能很投入很专注地看完，而是类似跳跃性地吸收一些能够理解的东西。有些电影，每次都没能从头到尾看完，看很多遍，每一次看到某些东西总有一些感触。有些想法想说，但是一直没能有组织地完整表达出来，只能一直借助描述性的语句来说明。

这部电影我也不知道看了多少次了...

就像相信爱是作为某种特别而深入内在存在一样，我也相信，对于某些作品，一些人相对于另一些人，总是能轻易地透过表层直达内部，但是却不一定能轻易地说出那种感觉。

也有些作品，你甚至不用看，就能准确地抓住它到底想表达什么，而有些人只能通过一大堆所谓理性的分析和推论，来让自己相信他看到了什么，相信其中有什么意义。

而一部好的作品，就是，它能轻易地抵达越多的内心，能深入地让人理解而又不需要大费周章去证明给别人看----我通过那一条线索得到了什么，用了某种技巧得出了某种结论。

爱为什么存在而经久不衰，就是因为它在人们心中。一旦一部作品成功地表达了某种爱，就算它被淹没在无尽的废墟中，有一天它的光芒也会穿透所有，直达内心。

一开始所举的例子，其中就蕴含了这个道理。当你面对一个“对的”东西的时候，是不用大费周章讲究技巧遵循理论去理解它的，因为规律掌握在手中，已烂熟于心。

随着经验的积累，一个人思考越多，成长越多，结果越多，构筑出来的自我结构也就越复杂越难以完全理解和接受，一部分人就越难理解另一部分人，所谓孤独，在这个意义上，也许可以称之为成长的代价。

相似的人是珍稀的，也许也是最容易相爱的。

我一开始其实对同性恋的成因不感兴趣，不管是先天还是后天，其实都没有太大的所谓。先天的不一定就不能改变，后天的也不一定就需要做出改变。但是还是有某些情绪带动着我去思考。

各种理论都有道理，而我相信的，是我是后天形成的。

也许是某种偶然的不可逆的选择对我产生了影响，并且以这个选择为核心与基础，建构出一套自我的结构。一旦做出选择与形成某种结构，就难以改变了。就像右利手者要转变为左利手者，或者是要求一个思维倾向男性化的人要自发的，持久的，愉快的对穿着女装过日常生活一样困难。

我不知道那个选择是在什么时候。这部电影也没有明确地指出是否存在这样一个选择，以及这个选择是否确实起作用。
但是经历是一样的，或者说经历给人的感觉是一样的。

父亲形象认同的缺失，类似于父亲形象而又不那么正式的轻松愉快的，处于道德伦理模糊地带的同性长辈形象的补充，所带来的是一种心灵相通的，沉浸在幸福，兴奋愉悦的状态中，并且有毫不保留的身体接触....

有这样经历的人，对爱的需求，大都指向了同性，即使在后来的同辈身上并没有能够带来安全，满足，全身心投入的幸福，也还是能够唤醒当初那种纯粹的感觉。

那种纯粹的感觉有一种象征爱的美感，以上，这部电影都呈现了。

而这种呈现的基础，其实是一种无条件的，或者说‘超越’的状态。一个经历着战争的男人与一个小男孩，或者是古希腊所谓的男性长辈与晚辈之间的情感一样，他们之间的交换，是超越了同质的交换的。

男人给的是一种承诺式的，深沉的，高大的爱，而男孩给的是一种类似净化的，纯粹的，未经污染的，回忆式的爱。这两种爱跟成人之间的爱情交换是不一样的，我们付出什么，得到什么无法选择，但是是否接受则可以选择。而他们之间的付出与接受，都正好让对方的心灵富足。

有的时候我会想，世界到底变了多少？从几千年前人们用文字记录到现在，人们的发展到底有着什么不一样的区别？

而从情绪方面来讲，并没有什么不一样的地方。喜怒哀乐惧这些基本的情绪在不同朝代不同时期都有它自己的表现形式，人们面对不同的历史时期不同的世界，社会形势，都不过是那几种情绪的混合。

唯一不一样的地方，那就是，使得我们产生情绪的物质载体有所变化，所谓的科学文学的发展丰富，只是在一个基础上通过不同的形式在建构与表达而已。

而这些越来越丰富与复杂的东西在人类无限可能（假设）的大脑与有限的生命时间里被吸收，势必会造成作为“人“这一整体的结构的多样化，势必会让成熟的个体越发感受到深刻的孤独。

这种孤独的解决方法就是爱。

不管是什么样的爱。只要是爱，就有一个基础，那就是包容与理解。而爱，又是我们所能体验到的，从古至今未曾改变的那些情绪的无限远的最终点。

我们也许会因为所追求的东西有所冲突而无法互相体谅与理解，但是只要停下来看看我们所追求的东西的本质----不论我们追求的是物质，还是精神：荣誉，归属，成就，幸福，快乐，都是一种更高形式的情绪体验。而这种情绪体验，并不是只有通过唯一的一条与对方相冲突的途径才能实现。

我们体验情绪，体验爱的方式是不计其数的。
看本质，爱思考，也许就是因为这个。

而所谓的同性恋，所谓的跨越性别的爱，就算你不能理解，你也一定能够做到，不需要通过消灭他们，伤害他们，拒绝或者压抑他们的需求来让你的爱得以实现。

至少无论发生什么，我都要让自己记得这一点。

他摩挲着他的头发，喃喃道：
I love you.
My prince.
You are mine.
然后，他伸出一根手指，放到他的齿间，任他在疼痛时狠狠咬住。
他们合二为一。

看过了电影，特别是那么多温情的影评。我急迫的想要知道，军官最后的结局。在网上找到了英文版本的原著，for a lost soldier，顿时所有关于这部电影的美好，荡然无存。
这是我引用的书评，和我的看法基本相同，男孩是被rape了，至少是molested，而军官，则是暴力和冷漠，绝不是电影中的美好。
Jeroen is 12 and a long way from home. Because of the Nazi occupation of Amsterdam, Jeroen’s mother has sent him to a remote area of the country to await liberation. Alone, frightened, and feeling less than welcome by his hosts, Jeroen explores the countryside, and after a while begins to make friends. Jan, his hosts’ older son, stirs emotions in Jeroen that he is unable to explain. He enjoys watching the older boy swim and play, but becomes frightened when Jan wants to show him how he has matured lately.
Just as Jeroen is starting to fit-in, a most remarkable event occurs. Allied forces roll into town and the Germans are on the run. Everyone, including Jeroen, is fascinated by the soldiers and crowd around to get a better look. One of the soldiers, however, has his eye on Jeroen. Walt attempts to develop a friendship with young Jeroen, but the boy is very frightened. Through a series of encounters, the two become tentative friends. Each time they meet, Walt takes their relationship a little further, until finally on one such meeting, he has sex with Jeroen. Jeroen, a little squeamish to begin with, is terrified.

Eventually, the relationship becomes a full-fledged affair, with Walt and Jeroen meeting frequently for sex. Each of the encounters, though, is physically and emotionally painful for Jeroen. Walt is abusive in his treatment of the young boy. Nevertheless, Jeroen becomes infatuated with the soldier and is shocked one morning to find that the army has pulled-out of the little town and disappeared. Emotionally devastated, Jeroen can not understand why Walt left without saying anything. His only proof of the relationship is emotional and physical scares, and a small photograph of the young soldier.

Upon returning to Amsterdam, Jeroen searches in vain for Walt, but with no success. Once there, he begins the process of healing but he never forgets Walt. A

This is a autobiography of Rudi Van Dantzig’s early life. Rudi was a dancer in Europe and became quite popular. He looks back at this part of his life partly with a longing and partly with relief.
 
My Notes

Clearly this book is not for everyone. Young Jeroen is such a moving character that reading the story, and understanding his emotional state at the time, becomes draining. Of course, Jeroen was sexually molested, but he looks back at the events, not with hatred or spite, but with tenderness. I found it easy to understand his motivations, emotions, and actions during those years, but I find it difficult to understand his treatment of these events now, as an adult.
If you have seen the film, you will be shocked at the character of Walt in the book. In the film, the relationship is touching and moving despite the eight or nine years age difference. There is a loving relationship nevertheless. In the book, Walt is clearly a predator and Jeroen is his victim. I highly recommend reading this book, but I warn you it will get to you and you will want to reach through the pages and strangle Walt.
（http://www.oocities.org/soho/den/8979/vandantzig_rudi.html）
看书吧，会有个不同的视角。
再给大家发个原著作者，也就是小男孩原型的背景故事吧，我想说，他过得应该很幸福。现实生活中，他事业有成，是荷兰最著名、也是贡献卓著的编舞家。他也真的是同志，有着一个life partner，也是志同道合舞蹈界人士。现在原型人物的小男孩，已经在2012年过世，我很庆幸，他，真正存在过，活过。
Rudi van Dantzig
Rudi van Dantzig, the choreographer, who has died aged 78, was a pivotal figure in the rise to world renown of Dutch ballet in the past half century.
Van Dantzig described himself as “a sort of bastard between classical ballet and modern”, and his works could be more interesting for their intentions than their results. However, his boldness in evoking the anguished isolation of a homosexual boy in a ballet in 1965 won him a global profile and the key support of Rudolf Nureyev. This led to commissions from the Royal Ballet and other leading international companies.
His work captured the mood of the 1960s and became a template for modern ballet that offered a powerful European alternative to the abstract modernists of New York dance. Today, the assumption that the Dutch led mainland Europe in ballet and dance is largely due to van Dantzig.
Rudi van Dantzig was born in Amsterdam on August 4 1933 . It was not until he saw The Red Shoes on its release in 1948 that he knew his vocation (he later claimed to have watched the film nearly 50 times). He started dance lessons at 16, and approached Sonia Gaskell, a Lithuanian-Dutch dancer who was working to generate a Dutch ballet tradition by establishing professional companies and schools.
In 1952, because she was short of boys, she took the raw 18-year old into Ballet Recital, a company from which she would establish the Dutch National Ballet within a decade. With Gaskell’s encouragement, in 1955 van Dantzig choreographed the first of his 51 ballets, Night Island, using music by Debussy .
As a homosexual with an active political sensibility (both his parents were dedicated socialists), he felt acutely the intolerance of the times, and this became a major theme in his ballets and writings.（作为一名拥有政治敏感性的同志（他的妇女都是坚定的社会主义者），他认识到这个时代的狭隘和缺乏宽容，这成为他编舞和写作的主题之一。）
In 1965 he made his breakthrough with Monument for a Dead Boy, showing an adolescent destroyed by his unacceptable sexuality. It was inspired by the brief life of the influential Dutch homosexual poet Hans Lodeizen. The work, set to experimental electronic music by Jan Boerman, was so powerful that Nureyev asked to perform it with Dutch National Ballet.
Nureyev, who was then feeling underappreciated at the Royal Ballet, was searching to cross over into a modern idiom, but he had considerable difficulty understanding van Dantzig’s modern movement and convoluted narrative. At the same time, he found the choreographer’s blunt amiability refreshing compared with the sycophancy which he usually encountered, and he mastered the idiom sufficiently to impress the Dutch.
The Royal Ballet’s director, the classical choreographer Sir Frederick Ashton, then commissioned van Dantzig to create The Ropes of Time for Nureyev and Monica Mason (the Royal Ballet’s present director). The piece had Nureyev as an existential traveller writhing in pas de deux with Death and Life (Mason and Diana Vere). Originally the Life figure was intended to be the Royal Ballet’s star ballerina Antoinette Sibley, but she fell into depression as she tried to master the different plastique and withdrew.
Though the work received ovations from Nureyev’s adoring public on its premiere in 1970, it was found too self-consciously tortured by critics ; and on the company’s subsequent tour to the United States it was panned. Van Dantzig himself was unhappy with Nureyev’s attempts at his choreographic style, saying: “It is like somebody who speaks a different language and you can always hear the mother tongue underneath.” But he still made two further ballets for Nureyev in the late 1970s, Blown in a Gentle Wind and About a Dark House — the second a psychosexual melodrama in which Nureyev intruded unwisely upon a dinner party and was stripped by the guests.
In 1969 van Dantzig had succeeded Gaskell as artistic director of the Dutch National Ballet, first as co-director, then, from 1971, as sole director. For the next 20 years he refined the large and somewhat chaotic mission of the DNB by focusing on 20th-century classicists, primarily George Balanchine and Frederick Ashton, and also on new contemporary ballets created by himself, Hans van Manen and Toer van Schayk .
This trio made The Netherlands a new powerhouse of modern ballet choreography to the European taste, but there was no great enthusiasm for it in Britain. Attempts to open British eyes to the much-talked-about Dutch dawn by both Ashton and his successor, Kenneth MacMillan, fell flat, largely because the British preferred MacMillan and Ashton.
For many of his ballets, van Dantzig collaborated with van Schayk, an outstanding dancer and competent designer, who was also his partner.（很多的芭蕾舞作品，他都是和van Schayk合作完成的。后者是一名杰出的舞者、设计师，也是前者的生活伴侣） Though he created modern versions of Romeo and Juliet (1967) and Swan Lake (1988), van Dantzig was particularly interested in one-act creations to a wide range of 20th-century composers, among them Richard Strauss for Four Last Songs (1977); Debussy for Night Island (1955); Schoenberg for Gesang der Jünglinge (1977); and Webern for Moments (1988) .
Retiring as director in 1991 after 20 years, van Dantzig continued as the company’s resident choreographer for a further three years, finally bowing out with his 50th creation in 1994 (though he returned to Dutch National Ballet in 2002 to create Lommer). He was succeeded as director at the DNB by the former Royal Ballet star Wayne Eagling, now English National Ballet’s director.
An accomplished writer, van Dantzig was acclaimed for his debut novel To a Lost Soldier (1986), which dealt with his awakening to his homosexuality as a child evacuated in the war, and a sexual relationship with a passing soldier. In 1993 it was made into a film in Holland, and it was translated into English in 1996. He also wrote books about Nureyev (Remembering Nureyev: the Trail of a Comet), and the homosexual Dutch artist and anti-Nazi resistance fighter Willem Arondéus.
Rudi van Dantzig, born August 4 1933, died January 19 2012