黑客（普通话）

Mind your language S1E1

Ali:I am not going where I am looking.
Mr.Brown: No,no! I wasn't looking where I was going.
Ali: That makes the two of us!

Miss Countney: This is not unsatisfactory! This won't do at all.
I distinctly requested the Local Authority to send me a woman

teacher. Especially after the unfortunate incident involving Mr.

Warburton. I'm afraid he only lasted a month, then he departed.
Mr.Brown: Dead?
Miss Countney: Demented. Yes, the strain was too much for him.

Typical of the male sex! No stamina.

Mr.Brown: I'm Brown.
Ali: Oh no. You are committing a mistake.
Mr.Brown: Mistake?
Ali: Yes, you are not brown! We are brown! You are white.
Mr.Brown: My name is Brown! I'm your teacher.

Mr.Brown: What is your job?
Ranjeet: I'm a very important member of the British underground.
Mr.Brown: The underground what?
Ranjeet: Just the underground. Mind the doors.
Mr.Brown: Oh that underground.(=subway地铁)

Mr.Brown: Apart from one attempted murder and a possible race riot,

I think we're coping reasonably well.
Miss Countney: Well, we have one thing to be grateful for anyway.

Sex won't be rearing its ugly little head.
From past experience, it isn't race or religion that causes problems,

it's usually the presence of some foreign beauty. Jealousies,

intrigues, all sort of thing.

Giovanni: I never notice. You see its my eyes! I'm a little short

sighted. (And also a much big liar.) It's not true. Mr. Green.
Mr.Brown: The name is Brown.
Giovanni: You see! I'm a colour blind as well.

Ali: And you are asking for a kick up your big brown backside?

Su-lee: It is duty of every citizen to overthrow imperial warmongers.

So say Chairman Mao.

Mr. Brown: Ali. You are...
Ali: You are waiting for mu to speak an answer.
Mr. Brown: Well done.
Ali: Unfortunately, I am not understanding the question.
Mr. Brown: I want you to give me a sentence using 'You are...'
Ali: I am.
Mr. Brown: No, not 'I am', 'You are'! For example, you are from

Pakistan.
Ali: I am from Pakistan.
Mr. Brown: Yes, but now use 'You are'.
Ali: But I cannot say you are from Pakistan, because you are not, are

you?
Mr. Brown: Repeat after me. You are English.
Ali: No, I'm not! I'm from Pakistan. You are confusing me.
Ranjeet: You are stupid poof.
Ali: Don't you call me poof.
Ranjeet: Poof.

Miss Countney: Job getting you down already?
Mr. Brown: No, no, I'm fine! Never felt better. There's just one thing

rough. That window you nailed down! I think I ought to put a few more

nails in it.


Mind your language S1E2 An inspector calls

Juan: Por favor?
Miss Countney: Are you really as stupid as you look?
Juan: Por favor?

Mr. Brown: So we appear to be some missing, I hope they haven't

dropped out.
Ali: Please, it would notbe surprising me, I am always thinking that

Sikh, son of Guru, was a Punjabi drop out.(laugh at Ranjeet)
Ranjeet: I'm hearing what you are saying, you miserable spawn of a

jackal!
Mr. Brown: Don't you two start again! Actually, you are late.
Ranjeet: A thousand apologies for this unforgivalbe tardinees. But we

were all unavoidably detaained in the corridor by a lady...Sorry I forget

about her name. She was big lady, very large bosoms!

Su-lee: England is becoming more porriticarry minded, and gladually

more left wing.The overthrow of decadent capitaristic goverment will

soon take place. As working classes become more educated. And

embrace Communism as the true way of life. Workers revolution

getting nearer. With inevitabel collapse of Imperiaistic bougoise

intellectual society.
Mr. Brown: Yes! Well if thats what you like about England. I wouldn't

want to hear what you didn't like.
Taro: Excuse please. May I have small observations on young lady's

discourse, which will also irrustrate increased knowledge of English.
Young lady speak road of cobras!
Su-lee: Attitude typical of Fascist Nipponese!
Taro: Japan civilised country,not like China Ren by peasant.
Su-lee: Chinese not peasants!
Taro: Japanese not Fascist!.......I lose face, not my fault!
Mr. Brown: Never mind whose fault it was! Go and apologize!

Miss Countney: It has taken you 2 min 38 sec exactly to come to my

office immediately. I'm glad I didn't ask you to take your time.

Max: Danielle, what you do after class?
Danielle: I go back home to learn the English.
Giovanni: Hey, I'm going to learn English as well. Maybe we learn

together.
Danielle: Yes but what about poor Max?
Max: Yeah.
Giovanni: What about the poor Max? I'm crying my eyes out.
Danielle: I have an idea.
Giovanni: I have a lot of ideas.
Danielle: Why not you and Max study together?

Mr. Brown: I expect you'll a bit of difficulty finding your way round at

first. Things will seem rather strange.
Inspector: very strange.
Mr. Brown: It must be quite a change coming from one of the under-

developed countries to our more advanced way of life.
Inspector: Oh yes.
Mr. Brown: Still, your people are doing remarkably well. Did you fly

here?
Inspector: Fly?
Mr. Brown: Fly! In a big iron bird. Quite a change from riding an

elephant. Unless you came by Jumbo. haha~ English joke.

Giovanni: Professori.
Mr. Brown: You should call me Sir.
Giovanni: Oh, I understand. You have been to get knotted.
Mr. Brown: come again?
Giovanni: To become a Sir! you got knotted by the queen.
Mr. Brown: The word is knighted! And I'm not that kind of Sir.

Mr. Brown: Taro.
Taro: Aso.
Mr. Brown: Su-lee
Su-lee: present.
Mr. Brown: Ali.
Ali: Gift!
Mr. Brown: Gift?
Ali: I'm surprising you, no? Each day I am learning new English

word.And I am finding that gift is another word for present.
Mr. Brown: Very ingenious.

Mr. Brown: I'd better take down your particulars, otherwise I may get

into hot water.
Ali: You are going to have a hot bath?
Mr. Brown: No, Ali. It's just another way of saying I may get into

trouble.
Ranjeet: Oh Dear. You have been committing some grievous

misdemeanour?
Mr. Brown: Not at all.

I do assure you that Mr. Brown will be severely dealt with.
Ali: Blimey you are dropping a clinker.
Mr. Brown: You mean clanger. (Drop a clanger= say sth wrong)
Ali: Yes pls.


Mind your language S1E3 A Fate worse than death

Ali: How about ajelly good shirt? Guaranteed one hundred percent

substandard.(Ali was supposed to say standard.)

Mr.Brown: Now, before we do anything else this evening, I want to

find a monitor. A monitor is a person who can take charge of the

class during my absent, somebody intelligent enough to assume

responsibility.

Mr.Brown: I'm going to ask you each to read a passage from the

newspaper. Then we'll discuss it together, OK? Max,You start.
Max: American Embassy bugged.
Mr.Brown: Good! Now dose anybody konw what that means?
Taro: It means American Embassy full of little insects.
Mr.Brown: No, Taro! They're not that sort of bugs! Listening devices.

Ali: You are putting some innocent lady in the pudding club. (in the

pudding club=pregnancy)

Ranjeet: I am up the creek without a puddle.
Mr. Brown: Paddle.

Ranjeet: This lady, is she resembling an elephant?
Miss Countney: I wouldn't exactly put it like that although she is

rather large.
Mr. Brown: Ask her to come along here.
Miss Countney: That's very irregular.
Mr. Brown: It is rather important.
Miss Countney: Very well,but don't make a habit of it.

Danielle: Prime minister sold a pup.
Mr. Brown: Good. Now that is a very good example of a figure of

speech. It dosen't mean what it says.
Su-lee: Typical of imperial poriticians who distort truth and suppress

working classes.
Mr. Brown: A figure of speech is a way of expressing an idea by way

of contrast or comparison. If you are being sold a pup or sold a

dummy, you are being cheated or deceived. In England, we use

figures of speech quite a lot. For example, we say as quick as

lightning, as light as a feather, as clean as a whistle. As blind as a

bat. As deaf as a ...Max?
Max: Postman.
Mr. Brown: No Max, Posts. Because posts can not hear. (As deaf as

a post)
Max: Neither can my postman.
Mr. Brown: Ali, as sly as a...
Ali: Sikh.
Mr. Brown: Fox. (As sly as a fox) as a mad as a ...Ranjeet?
Ranjeet: Muslim.
Mr. Brown: Hatter! (As mad as a hatter) Taro, as drunk as a ...
Taro: Newt.
Mr. Brown: Lord is more correct. (As drunk as a Lord) Jamila, as

white as...
Jamila: You.
Mr. Brown: Snow! Ali, as smooth as?
Ali: A baby's bottoms.

Mr. Brown: With all due respect, she was a couple on her own!

Giovanni: It's a sheer coincidence.

Mr. Brown: I thought she'd agreed to release you from the marriage

now.
Ranjeet: Yes, she has. But her farther is coming here to see you

about your marriage now.
Mr. Brown: Look, there's not going to be any wedding I've broken it

off. I've written to her parents, explaining that I couldn't possibly marry

their daughter. I pointed out the differences between our religious and

cultural backgrounds. And the fact I have no intention of marrying

anyone. He should've got the letter this morning.
Ranjeet: Oh yes, he did. That is why he is coming. He is hoping to

be slicing you into many pieces.
Mr. Brown: Pardon?
Ranjeet: He say you are bringing disgrace on his daughter.



Mind your language S1E5 The best things in life


Ali: I am coming up on the puddles. the football puddles.
Mr. Brown: The football pools.
Ranjeet: That is typical of that Muslim twit! No brains whatsoever.

Mr. Brown: Do you wish to cash a cheque?

Danielle: How much to post a letter?
Mr. Brown: Is it someone in England?
Danielle: No, no, it's a Swiss letter.
Mr. Brown: Well, it's more correct to say you want to send a letter to

Switzerland, not a Swiss letter. It could be very embarrassing if you

were writing to someboday in France. (French letter = condom)

Mr. Brown: Don't be ridiculous.
Juan: Pretending. Haha...

Mr. Brown: Pretand you have a cold.
Ranjeet: A cold what?
Mr. Brown: Alright, let's forget about the cold. just imagine your have

a pain.

Mr. Brown: There's obviously been some misunderstanding.I'll sort it

out with the police. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Ali, I'll do

the talking, alright? you just leave it to me.

Police: Before you go sir, would u like to make a donation to our

Police charity fund?
Mr. Brown: Well as a matter of fact, you've caught me at a rather

awkaward moment.
Police: What about the five? You remember Sir, the one you thought

you never had. You know what they say, what you've never had you

never miss, unless you knew it was there all the time. In which case

it would come under bribery and corruption. You scratch my back

and I scratch yours.

Miss Countney: Well, untill Mr. Brown returns I shall take the class. I

shall ask you a few questions on general knowledge. Now first of all,

can anybody tell me who said "To be or not to be"?
Su-lee: Chairman Mao.
Miss Countney: It may come as a surprise to you, but other people

wrote things besides Chairman Mao.
Su-lee: He wrote everything.

Miss Countney: Are you not familiar with Shakespeare's works?

Miss Countney: Let me ask you a simple question. Can you tell me

how many P's there are in a pound?
Taro: Depend on size of peas.

Miss Countney: Now look, sir, it was obviously just been a

misunderstanding. I see no reason why we should pursue this any

further.

Police: What is your name?
Ali: Watt is not my name.
Police: I don't want to know what your name is not. What is your

name?
Ali: And I am telling you it is not.
Police: What is his name?
Ranjeet: Absolutely not.
Police: Not what?
Ranjeet: That is correct.
Police: What is your name?
Ranjeet: Wrong again.
Giovanni: He's not here.
Max: Yes.
Police:Who?
Max: Watt.
Police: Pardon?
Max: Who is not here and Watt is not here neither.
Police: You are all barmy.
Mr. Brown, if I promise not to proceed with this report, will you do me

a favour?
Mr. Brown: Yes, what is it?
Police: Take these crackpots out of here, and promise never to bring

them back. Even if they've commited a murder.

Miss Countney: Pls don't remind me of last night's unfortunate

incident. I hope you've explained to your Indian lady the difference

between Free and Free Offer.


Mind your language S1E6 Come back all is forgiven

Mr. Brown: If you want to argue argue in English.
Juan: Go back to Italy, you Italian spaghetti.
Giovanni: Your big Spanish omellette.

Giovanni: Maybe she's gonna give you the birthday present.
Mr. Brown: Yes and maybe the pope is getting married.
Giovanni: He is ? I never read that.
Mr. Brown: It was a joke.

Mr. Brown: would you all pay attention pls. I have sth rather important

to tell you. I'm afraid that Miss Countney has terminated my

engagement.
Ali: That is very big surprise to me.
Mr. Brown: Yes, it was a bit of a shock to me as well.
Ali: We are not knowing that you and Miss Countney were engaged.
Mr. Brown: You don't understand. I mean to coin a phrase I've been

given the boot. No Juan, can't you understand! I've been fired. I've

been given the bullet.
Giovanni: Santa Maria! She tried to shoot you?
Mr. Brown: No, I've been dismissed.

Giovanni: We have a strike.
Max: Yeah, let's have the strike.
Ranjeet: what is this strike? Does this mean we are going to be

fighting?
Giovanni: No, No, No. It's like a big onions.
Anna: What onions?
Giovanni: The trade onions.
Ali: Excuse me, I am thinking your strike not going to be working.

What we are needing is to be revolting.
Ranjeet: And I'm thinking you are already revolting. (revolting has

dislike meaning too.)

Miss Hardacre: I've come to drum English into your respective alien

heads.


Mind your language S1E7 The cheating game

Mind your language S1E13 The final exam